The Disappearing Friend Trick

We’ve all been there.

You’re best pals with someone(s). You hang out, you talk, you text, you tweet, you call, you Facebook each other. You share joys, pains, jokes, complaints, and stories. You think, “What was life like before they were in my life?” And you can’t remember.

And then, presto shazaam, abra cadabra, they’re gone.


Maybe it wasn’t that dramatic. Maybe it was gradual.

[Cue the sad music] You started texting each other less. Less Facebook stalking. Less calling. And even less hanging out.

And who has time? You have your new friends to hang out with, friends that share your interests now. Friends in the here and now. Friends that don’t ditch you. And hey, life moves on, friends or not.

And if you can identify with any of the above, rest assured that someone has felt the same way about you. You’ve blipped off someone’s radar, enough for them to notice. And miss you.

But life get’s in the way. Sometimes it may seem unavoidable.

You move. Work takes up your time. Your interests or priorities change. Drama/conflict. You go to a different school. You grow up. Insert excuse here.

Perhaps it’s not that you’ve found a new group of friends, but you’ve pigeon-holed yourself into a hermit-like loneliness. You’re trying to do life on your own and you think you do it just fine. And you complain that everyone has ditched you.

I can look back at my life, and especially the last 7 or 8 years and think of many friends that I had that simply aren’t in my life any more, or have taken a far lesser role in the production that is My Life. Friends from high school, from church, from college. Most recently, when I moved back to Dallas from Austin, I experienced this. This sense of loss as everyone, myself included, moved on with their life.

At first, I felt myself as a victim, thinking that all my friends had forgotten about me or made new friends. And then I realized that some of them may have felt the same way about me, that I had gone MIA.

And no one is to blame here. Life got in the way. Circumstances change situations. Sometimes I sit and think, “Whatever happened to what’s-his-name?” And I leave it at that, just thinking.

Have you ever felt like your relationship with Christ is something like that? That maybe you’ve grown distant? That you guys don’t talk as much, that maybe you and Jesus aren’t on best terms? That you constantly seem to screw it up?

But what does the Savior do? He pursues. He doesn’t leave you be, but if you are His, if you have known Him, He will not let the embers of relationship grow gray. He stirs your heart to remind you that He is still there. That God is still there.

Shouldn’t we emulate this in our other relationships?

Sometimes, we blame others for burning bridges and being “shady.” But truth be told, sometimes we’re the shady ones. What effort have you made lately to keep in touch with a long lost comrade? How fervently do you pursue them?

But today, I challenge you to do something else. Don’t play the sleight-of-hand in your friendships. Today, call up someone you haven’t talked to in a while. Text them. Arrange to meet up with them and hang out.  Rekindle a relationship.

Well, what are you waiting for?


4 responses to “The Disappearing Friend Trick”

  1. Hey, Shady McGrady, quit being a pigeon and stop blipping people off!

    My friend and I had an intense conversation yesterday about this same issue. Both of us have always been on the shorter end of this spectrum. The ones that are always “blipped.” Her theory? The people that matter to you are the people you put the most effort into. My theory? You have your “cluster friends” then you have your “stuck like glue” friends. Cluster friends are only there in that time, but stuck like glue friends are there before/after/in-between.

  2. Whoa…it’s weird how much this post speaks into my life right now. I think I’ve been the person who pigeon-holes themself, not complaining about others or anything, but just whenever I’m going through something I kind of wall myself off. It’s like some instinct I have. Normally I try to keep on top of it, but lately I’ve forgotten about it….and now I think I’ve been doing this again. Hmm…that was very helpful Brice. :]

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